Change is a good thing

My life is changing. It feels weird. It feels scary and it also feels good. I need the change as much as I thought I needed my comfort zone.

I'm one exam off finishing my personal training certificate even though I'm still overweight. I'm actually really proud of myself because I thought I might quit half way through. That's the usual way I operate.

Today is a public holiday which means I have some time to organise my week. I'm writing my To Do list and I'm going to get everything done today. It will make me feel more calm about my week and I can then cope with everything that hits me.

I've also just stepped right into a personal fear of crowds by booking a ticket to the MUSE concert in Perth in December. I feel really panicked when there are lots and lots of people around me but it's time to step out and face it. That may seem strange to a lot of people but for me it is a VERY big thing.

I'm proud of myself...not for anything in particular...just feeling proud that I'm on my way to achieving my personal goals..

And so life continues

I've had a big chat with Mark this morning and took a heap of notes during it. He's an absolutely magic guy and a brilliant sounding board for me. I always feel that he puts things into perspective for me and he has the ability to put into words the things that I can't.

Mark, thank you so much....

I've got a lot to think about this weekend. I'll be doing that while I'm running around...

I've got my last exam on Monday for tech. I've also got 3 resits to do on Tuesday night before rehearsal so that will be fun.

I'm enjoying my training again which is a relief. I didn't think that I was going to get back into the swing of things ever again! But there it is - my enthusiasm has returned!!!

I'll blog a little later on tonight again when I've got some more time. I have to go and see my eldest step-daughter get a tattoo now.......sigh

Diesel and Life

I began training and dieting in earnest last week and as usual I find that circumstances are plotting against me. This week has been thrown as little due to my little boy passing away yesterday. Logically I can understand that I did everything that I could for him and would have paid my last cent to keep him alive but emotionally I feel like I failed him. I'm working through it though because I can't keep letting my emotions rule my life.

I had planned on going to the gym yesterday but with all the kafuffle, I didn't get there except to weigh in and my weight went up (damn it!). I've taken today off work though just to grieve and try to get back to normal emotionally so I'll head there this afternoon and do the training that I was going to do yesterday.

My original goals will need to be re-jigged because of my weight gain this week but I can manage that.

I'll never forget my boy but he liked his mummy to be fit and able to take him for long walks. I'll do this for him......

New beginnings

Having hurt my knee (AGAIN!) about 5 weeks ago, I fell into the blue funk of depression and stayed down there until just recently. It wasn't satisfying and it wasn't fun. I've finally had enough of it for the time being. Though mind you, this happens on a semi-regular basis with manic depressives.

I got in contact with Mark again yesterday and spoke with him this morning stating my desire to get back on track again. I've had a long hard look at myself and discovered that I'm fat, lazy and I no longer have a waist!! This is bad. Very Very bad.

I've got a new training programme and a new diet and a new determination to succeed. My weight and this injury have forced me to re-evaluate a lot of things. I'm up for the challenge...

Ah yes, Monday again

I've had a good day so far. My eating has been strictly under control and I'm feeling slimmer this afternoon. I did my cardio and upper body this afternoon and am feeling pretty darn good. I've got another weigh in tomorrow so I hope that it reflects my work.

I'm nervous about it though. My scales have been going up and down all week so I don't know what's going to happen. We'll see...

Slack slack slack!

I've not been updating lately. I'm slack I know. My weight loss is doing quite well so far. I've lost 4 weeks in a row. Only little ones until this last week. 2.3kg down last Tuesday. I don't know about this week. My weight doesn't seem to have moved judging by my scales. We'll see though.

I need to concentrate more on my training this week. I've been doing cardio and looking after what I eat but not completely strictly.

I'm feeling pretty happy though within myself and work seems to be going fairly steadily as well. I don't really know what the difference is. I've been off my medication for about a month but it doesn't seem to have affected me as it used to. I'm looking forward to my life for the first time in a long time. It feels a little strange....

I have a heavy 5 months ahead of me now - I'm directing a play for Melville (auditions at the end of this month and production starts final weekend of November), I'm planning to getting back to my singing at some stage and I'm also looking at passing all my exams through Tech with flying colours. But I've got things to look forward to as well. I'm getting my new tattoo done at the end of this month, a day spa booked for my husband and I for our 10th wedding anniversary in September and a weekend with my husband in Bunbury. I need to keep some focus though - if I don't look after myself, I'm going to keel over in a heap before the year is out.

It's time.....

New Perspective

I'm struggling to find my reason for keeping on going. I had a long chat with Mark today about reasons for training and I'm now trying to keep some perspective and find something new to keep me on track. I think this week I'll train as I've been doing, I'll focus more on my diet and just work on some personal stuff.

Funnily enough I'm actually feeling a little more motivated to be more severe with myself at the moment. I've been constantly sabotaging my goals for months but it's time to take some control. In retrospect, the self-doubt I've been experiencing is probably related to how I've been feeling at work.

This last week has been good at work for me. I've been out doing a couple of jobs on my own and taking charge of them all alone. It's built my self-worth up more than I've had over the last 18 months. I think that feeling is going to help me with my goals and my achieving them.

I'm going to do some work on my personal goals and the like this evening and then get my gym bag ready for the morning. I need to get some sleep tonight and work on getting my iron levels up - I believe they might be contributing to my unrelenting weariness.

Here's to a good week!