Queensland!!

Well, here I am in sunny Queensland visiting my folks and going to the Royal Show tomorrow and Thursday with mum and my sis.

Got here Saturday morning with approx 3 hours sleep on the planes but felt OK until the afternoon and then crashed for about 2 hours. The days have been full of catching up with mum, brother, aunt and a little bit with my dad. And eating.

When I come home, the people I love fix all my favourite meals because it's a treat to have me home and neither they nor I know when I'll be back again. So it becomes a real holiday from everything good.

When I arrived on Saturday, I actually was so tired that I can't remember what I ate. I didn't write it down and just plain can't remember. Yesterday, I had oats with lite milk for breakfast, a stir fry (leftovers) for lunch and then when I got to my aunt's place last night she had already prepared toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches and caramel tart with custard for dessert. I loved it! She wouldn't have had dessert normally but she did it especially for me because we haven't seen each other in about 18 months properly. When I came home for Gran's funeral in march doesn't really count because it was not a normal visit.

Today, I had a protein drink for breakfast, meat, vegies and pumpkin for lunch and I've just had a casserole for dinner.

Tomorrow we're going to the show and I know that mum and I will have our Dagwood Dogs and waffles. I'm not going to make any excuses for what I'm eating. I'm home.....

I'm going to enjoy this time of refreshing my mind and spirit while I'm here. I needed to come and see my mum to put life back into perspective. She and I have had a talk about my future goals and aspirations and she (for the first time) is in full agreement with them. She hasn't ever really wanted me to weight train or do anything like that. Her way of losing weight is to diet. That has never worked for me. But she is right behind me with my comp ideas. It feels good to have her in my team....

Weigh in

I've got my weigh in tonight. Last time (2 weeks ago), my weight didn't change but that was OK. This week, I have a feeling that will not be the case.

I've been having problems with my tummy again lately. Things are not settling down there and it's causing me to bloat at the drop of a hat. I'll be fine one minute and then my tummy will feel really big and will start to puff out.

I'm thinking that when my diet becomes really consistent, then it will stop completely. It's not liking me chopping and changing and being good then being bad.

Anyway, I did my leg workout yesterday which felt fantastic. Am improving my technique with squats every time I do them. I'm finally getting down to parallel with the dumbells and really feeling my hams and quads for the first time instead of my back! My left knee was protesting a little but I opened my stance a little wider and then it seemed ok. But I'll keep an eye on it.

Today, I'm doing shoulders and traps which tends to be one of my favourite workouts. My shoulders look quite good even under the fat and my traps as well. That's what I like to see.

Anyway, I'm off to the gym after I finish my coffee.

See you later on!

Motivation is Overratted!

I've just spoken to Mark! I love that man!!! He always knows just what to say to get me going again. And I've needed it. Don't worry Mark, I'll call you during the week if I start feeling like it's all too hard.

He said this morning that motivation is overrated. I told him that I just lost all motivation this week to train or eat right or anything. He asked me if a person can train without motivation. I said, well yes of course. That person just physically gets to the gym and trains. They may not get as much out of it as they would if they were bursting with enthusiasm but they can still physically get their asses out there and train. He answered that's right. You may not be motivated when you start to train but as you continue to do it then you will feel better and more like training.

That's what I've missed this week. I've missed having the impetus and the push behind me to keep me on track this week. Mark always knows exactly what to say to me to get me going again.

I'm heading to the gym shortly (after my third cup of coffee) now that I've done a lot of housework and had my phonecall.

Here's to a good day!

Accountability

I'm feeling guilty about not maintaining my accountability. My eating is out of control at the moment. I'm not actually sure why that is so. I'm feeling mostly in control of everything right now but I seem to be eating everything in sight.....

I'm obviously punishing myself for something but I can' t think what.

This week it's been chips and wine. During the day I seem to be pretty much OK but night time when I get home, I fall to pieces.

Damn it. Today I'm going to be good. I'm going out to the pub with a friend this afternoon but I'll drink lime and soda instead of wine. Also because I have to drive approximately 45 minutes just to get to his house and pick him up.

I also haven't trained this week as I've been really really weary. Late nights are catching up with me and it's been a hard physical week at work. I know, I know, I'm making excuses again. I should just be focussed on the training since I won't be training from next Saturday for approx 11 days. I'm going to take home my skipping rope and my good sneakers so I can walk and do some cardio while I'm home anyway.

What's wrong with me?? I really really want to compete next year but underneath it all, I think that I'm scared. My mind is telling me that I'm going to fail THIS time as well as all the others and I think that's why I'm sabotaging myself. It's easy to admit failing when you haven't really put in the effort. "Oh, things just got in the way and since training takes up so much time, I didn't really have the time to dedicate to it." "I had to spend so much time preparing my food that it just got a bit much for me and I found that I didn't have time for it."

I always have time to sit in a bloody drive-through and wait for full fat and disgusting tasting meals but don't "have the time" to prep some good healthy meals and get my large arse to the gym.

I'm looking forward to going home and seeing my folks at the end of this week. Maybe going home and getting some grounded perspective of life, the universe and everything again will help. Sometimes, I just need to see my mum!!

Well, I'm talking to Mark in just 20 minutes and then I'm heading to the gym to get myself back on track again before going off and being social this afternoon. I've actually got better things to do than go out to the pub but I promised that I would go.

sigh.....

Almost finished the hard part

I've been going nuts studying for a resit Tuesday night. I spent most of yesterday just trying to understand the fundamentals with the rotten maths but I think I've got it pretty much down today. I'm still a little shaky but if I try to think logically about it, then I should get through the exam tomorrow night with flying colours.

In the meantime, my training is suffering a little bit because this exam has taken priority for the moment. Once it's over, then I can fully concentrate on what I really want to do which is train!!!!

I've missed the gym today because it's a public holiday over here and the gym is only open for about 3 hours. I've just realised what the time is and I've missed it....sigh. Well I'll be all ready for tomorrow morning. I'll get some cardio in this afternoon when I've finished my study so I'll at least have done something today!

My eating hasn't been good. I've not been thinking about it and picking at chips, and chocolate up until now. I'll take some meat out of the freezer when I've finished here and make sure that I have my food ready for the week so there's no excuses......

I'm feeling ready to take on the world for some reason. Maybe because I had a big weep yesterday over my feeling of inadequacy regarding my apprenticeship...... But last night I made up my mind to succeed in a big way, get some of the top marks in my year, be nominated for apprentice of the year and then compete a couple of times next year. My sister is chuffed with the last thing. She's looking forward to checking out my chosen outfits when we meet up at mum's place in a couple of weeks.

I'll blog a little more later on today......