New beginnings

Having hurt my knee (AGAIN!) about 5 weeks ago, I fell into the blue funk of depression and stayed down there until just recently. It wasn't satisfying and it wasn't fun. I've finally had enough of it for the time being. Though mind you, this happens on a semi-regular basis with manic depressives.

I got in contact with Mark again yesterday and spoke with him this morning stating my desire to get back on track again. I've had a long hard look at myself and discovered that I'm fat, lazy and I no longer have a waist!! This is bad. Very Very bad.

I've got a new training programme and a new diet and a new determination to succeed. My weight and this injury have forced me to re-evaluate a lot of things. I'm up for the challenge...

Ah yes, Monday again

I've had a good day so far. My eating has been strictly under control and I'm feeling slimmer this afternoon. I did my cardio and upper body this afternoon and am feeling pretty darn good. I've got another weigh in tomorrow so I hope that it reflects my work.

I'm nervous about it though. My scales have been going up and down all week so I don't know what's going to happen. We'll see...

Slack slack slack!

I've not been updating lately. I'm slack I know. My weight loss is doing quite well so far. I've lost 4 weeks in a row. Only little ones until this last week. 2.3kg down last Tuesday. I don't know about this week. My weight doesn't seem to have moved judging by my scales. We'll see though.

I need to concentrate more on my training this week. I've been doing cardio and looking after what I eat but not completely strictly.

I'm feeling pretty happy though within myself and work seems to be going fairly steadily as well. I don't really know what the difference is. I've been off my medication for about a month but it doesn't seem to have affected me as it used to. I'm looking forward to my life for the first time in a long time. It feels a little strange....

I have a heavy 5 months ahead of me now - I'm directing a play for Melville (auditions at the end of this month and production starts final weekend of November), I'm planning to getting back to my singing at some stage and I'm also looking at passing all my exams through Tech with flying colours. But I've got things to look forward to as well. I'm getting my new tattoo done at the end of this month, a day spa booked for my husband and I for our 10th wedding anniversary in September and a weekend with my husband in Bunbury. I need to keep some focus though - if I don't look after myself, I'm going to keel over in a heap before the year is out.

It's time.....

New Perspective

I'm struggling to find my reason for keeping on going. I had a long chat with Mark today about reasons for training and I'm now trying to keep some perspective and find something new to keep me on track. I think this week I'll train as I've been doing, I'll focus more on my diet and just work on some personal stuff.

Funnily enough I'm actually feeling a little more motivated to be more severe with myself at the moment. I've been constantly sabotaging my goals for months but it's time to take some control. In retrospect, the self-doubt I've been experiencing is probably related to how I've been feeling at work.

This last week has been good at work for me. I've been out doing a couple of jobs on my own and taking charge of them all alone. It's built my self-worth up more than I've had over the last 18 months. I think that feeling is going to help me with my goals and my achieving them.

I'm going to do some work on my personal goals and the like this evening and then get my gym bag ready for the morning. I need to get some sleep tonight and work on getting my iron levels up - I believe they might be contributing to my unrelenting weariness.

Here's to a good week!

Queensland!!

Well, here I am in sunny Queensland visiting my folks and going to the Royal Show tomorrow and Thursday with mum and my sis.

Got here Saturday morning with approx 3 hours sleep on the planes but felt OK until the afternoon and then crashed for about 2 hours. The days have been full of catching up with mum, brother, aunt and a little bit with my dad. And eating.

When I come home, the people I love fix all my favourite meals because it's a treat to have me home and neither they nor I know when I'll be back again. So it becomes a real holiday from everything good.

When I arrived on Saturday, I actually was so tired that I can't remember what I ate. I didn't write it down and just plain can't remember. Yesterday, I had oats with lite milk for breakfast, a stir fry (leftovers) for lunch and then when I got to my aunt's place last night she had already prepared toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches and caramel tart with custard for dessert. I loved it! She wouldn't have had dessert normally but she did it especially for me because we haven't seen each other in about 18 months properly. When I came home for Gran's funeral in march doesn't really count because it was not a normal visit.

Today, I had a protein drink for breakfast, meat, vegies and pumpkin for lunch and I've just had a casserole for dinner.

Tomorrow we're going to the show and I know that mum and I will have our Dagwood Dogs and waffles. I'm not going to make any excuses for what I'm eating. I'm home.....

I'm going to enjoy this time of refreshing my mind and spirit while I'm here. I needed to come and see my mum to put life back into perspective. She and I have had a talk about my future goals and aspirations and she (for the first time) is in full agreement with them. She hasn't ever really wanted me to weight train or do anything like that. Her way of losing weight is to diet. That has never worked for me. But she is right behind me with my comp ideas. It feels good to have her in my team....

Weigh in

I've got my weigh in tonight. Last time (2 weeks ago), my weight didn't change but that was OK. This week, I have a feeling that will not be the case.

I've been having problems with my tummy again lately. Things are not settling down there and it's causing me to bloat at the drop of a hat. I'll be fine one minute and then my tummy will feel really big and will start to puff out.

I'm thinking that when my diet becomes really consistent, then it will stop completely. It's not liking me chopping and changing and being good then being bad.

Anyway, I did my leg workout yesterday which felt fantastic. Am improving my technique with squats every time I do them. I'm finally getting down to parallel with the dumbells and really feeling my hams and quads for the first time instead of my back! My left knee was protesting a little but I opened my stance a little wider and then it seemed ok. But I'll keep an eye on it.

Today, I'm doing shoulders and traps which tends to be one of my favourite workouts. My shoulders look quite good even under the fat and my traps as well. That's what I like to see.

Anyway, I'm off to the gym after I finish my coffee.

See you later on!

Motivation is Overratted!

I've just spoken to Mark! I love that man!!! He always knows just what to say to get me going again. And I've needed it. Don't worry Mark, I'll call you during the week if I start feeling like it's all too hard.

He said this morning that motivation is overrated. I told him that I just lost all motivation this week to train or eat right or anything. He asked me if a person can train without motivation. I said, well yes of course. That person just physically gets to the gym and trains. They may not get as much out of it as they would if they were bursting with enthusiasm but they can still physically get their asses out there and train. He answered that's right. You may not be motivated when you start to train but as you continue to do it then you will feel better and more like training.

That's what I've missed this week. I've missed having the impetus and the push behind me to keep me on track this week. Mark always knows exactly what to say to me to get me going again.

I'm heading to the gym shortly (after my third cup of coffee) now that I've done a lot of housework and had my phonecall.

Here's to a good day!